I don't even know what to title this one...
Yesterday was a weird day for me. A very weird day.
First, I was driving to the bakery to pick up a birthday cake for my boss, because we're a cool company like that and we get birthday cake for our bosses... Anyway, I was driving along minding my own business, when a car turned onto the road and was right behind me. Okay, nothing strange yet... I saw him reading my back window (Which I forgot to take a picture of so you can see... I will soon though.) which reads:
Yesterday was a weird day for me. A very weird day.
First, I was driving to the bakery to pick up a birthday cake for my boss, because we're a cool company like that and we get birthday cake for our bosses... Anyway, I was driving along minding my own business, when a car turned onto the road and was right behind me. Okay, nothing strange yet... I saw him reading my back window (Which I forgot to take a picture of so you can see... I will soon though.) which reads:
My Soldier, My Love, My Hero
James J. Holtom
Killed in Action 08 Feb 07
Land of the free, Because of my brave
.
.
.
And then he got right up next to me, flipped me off and screamed
"F*** YOU AND YOUR F***ING SOLDIER!!!"
.
.
.
.
Yeah, I didn't know what to think about it, either. I thought very seriously about wrecking right into him, but then I realized that I would have to stand there with him and wait for the police... And, well, then I would probably end up going to prison because I was going to tear him apart.
So. I played it cool, and just drove off. And prayer that karma will bite him in the butt later.
Then after our office went to lunch, I came back to work and had an email from a friend telling me how many days until her wedding.
In my head, I wanted to email her: "You know what? I seriously don't give a darn about your stupid wedding! And if you email me that one more time I'm going to beat you up. Got it?!"
But instead I pretended like I didn't get that email...
Then I got another email from Ray Werner's wife telling me that she found someone else and is in a great relationship and he's such a great guy... You get what I'm saying.
I say, good for her. If she is happy then that's great.
I just feel like the "retarded griever" now. I know everyone grieves in their own way in their own time... I don't even want to begin thinking about 'someone else.' Just that thought that I might have to move on some day terrifies me. The Mel of today says "I don't ever, ever, ever want to move on. There will never be another Jim and I don't even want to try to find someone!"
Jim would think that's just plain silly. He would want me to be happy. But I'm nowhere near ready yet.
The day did turn out okay. Last night I was in the drive-through and this lady came to my window and knocked. So, I opened the window, and she shook my hand and thanked me for what I've done (which, as far as I'm concerned, all I've done is cry.) And how great she thinks it is that I have that on the back of my car, and how her brother was killed three years ago and the family was forever changed... I am so glad there are still a few people who care!
What a crazy day though, huh?
27 comments:
Ouch, What a jerk, it's people like him that we won't have to worry about seeing in Heaven. Hope you have a better day today. I love what you have on your back window. It gave me the goosebumps when I read it. Love ya Mel.
Oh, no words. It is people like him who make it impossible for me to own a gun. I would have shot him. Maybe just in the foot or knee, you know to inflict some pain, but shot nonetheless. Seriously. Eww, that makes me angry.
Dang! Mel, get a paint ball gun for times like that. You'll get the satisfaction of shooting the jerk without all of the legal hassle... :-)
175 days 14 hours 12 mins and 57 seconds seems much too soon to mend a broken heart. RW's wife might be moving on, but there is such thing retarded griever and no rule that says you must move on anytime in the near future. Keep doing your thing, you still smile and laugh, cry when you need to, and take it all one day at a time.
Hang in there homeslice.
Had I been in the car with you, I would have forced you to follow the guy, so I could pound the crap outta him.
So
Not
Ok
You town doesn't have enough cops to pull me off that guy.
ugh what a punk! You have A LOT of composure! I'm not so sure I could have kept my lips sealed! Karma IS a B**** and he'll get his! I would have beat him up for ya, I'm really big! jk...well I am really big (6'1") but I'm also a chicken!
Ever heard the expression about someone who says or does something really really stupid, "here's your sign"? Well for that guy, "here's your sign".
Glad you resisted the urge to hit him, you'd have messed up your car.
Guess it is good we mortals don't decide who should and should not be born.
You are NOT a retard griever. You loved Jim with all your heart, and I have no doubt he loved you like that. You will grieve as long as you need to and that is perfect.
Mrs. M
wow ... I don't even have anything to say 'cept what a STUPID thing for that man to have said.
Here's a big e-hug for you, Mel. I don't believe for a moment that you're a retarded grievor. As for that asshat driver who screamed at you, he'll get his in the end.
All the best to you. You're good people.
Regards,
George
Unbelievable! I hope that guy gets what he deserves.
And as for you...take your time and grieve the way you need to. God will provide you with what you need, when you need it, because He loves you and knows the depth of your love for Jim. I hope other people in your life will extend you the grace you need from them as well.
I may only "know" you from this blog, but I am praying for you today. :)
~jenny in Los Angeles
People Like Him Should not be here
The jerk obviously needs a "good talking to" which. with a crude mouth like that, I suspect he'll get sooner or later.
May God keep you and comfort you. Thank you for your courage. Your soldier's sacrifice for all Americans and free people everywhere cannot be understated and is appreciated beyond all words.
I was just made aware of your encounter with that soul less person who attempted to demean you and your loved one who passed away in service of our country. Know that I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I do not know what I would have done in similar circumstances.
That idiot's behavior says it all about him. It must be horrible to be so full of hate and disregard for people. Forget about the political issues, he's a miserable person with a miserable life.
God bless your son... he, and those who serve and protect our freedom as he did, are my heroes too.
Melissa,
First of all, don't be concerned with about how long you are grieving. You are young. Sometimes, I think young hearts heal more slowly than older hearts who have experienced more loss. It just sucks that one of your early losses was your expected life long partner. He seems like he was quite a guy. His nation is very grateful.
Second, next time that incident happens, take down the idiot's tag number. There are many a dude who would be happy to look him up and kick his ass.
First of all, I am so sorry that you lost your love. My heart breaks for the pain you must feel. It is never easy losing a loved one.
Second, your hero is my hero, too. I thank you for standing by such a brave and selfless man. Your loss is our country's loss. The sucky part is, you get all the heart hurt and the tears.
I am giving you a cyber ((((hug)))).
Ignore people like the idiot who flipped you off and yelled at you. He is probably bent out of shape because they ran out of YooHOO and Cheetos at the corner store, and now he has to go back to mom's basement and face the bong without his favorite munchies.
People like that will never appreciate the incredible sacrifice men like your guy made. They are selfish, shortsighted, childish, ignorant nincompoops. And those are the nice attributes.
Blessings to you as you grieve (nothing "retarded" about grieving for someone you loved so dearly. After all, Jesus wept.)and as the days go by. I promise you, someday you will remember Jim with fondness, but the dull ache will be replaced by pride and a warm glow.
Please know that you have a lot of people praying for you.
Here is another private message not really worth posting.
When my sister passed away unexpectedly, her husband started emailing a lady, Kathy, that they had known for many years. Her hubby was the youth pastor at their church when they got married. He had died in a car accident about 10 years before my sister Jessie passed away.
Jessie once said, if I die you should date someone like Kathy. Well Ted took her literally and started corresponding with kathy very soon after Jessie died.
Later Ted had to apologize to everyone, it was too much too soon. As far as I know, over two years later, they are still seeing each other.
I told you all that to say, rushing into something can cause untold grief to a LOT of people. Take your time sweetie.
Mrs M (aka Diew Morrison)
Melissa,
Your soldier is our hero. This country can never repay you and your family for the ultimate sacrifice. We can only say "Thank you" and do our best to let other armed forces members and their families know of our gratitude.
Remember for every one who gives voice to the foul thoughts you experienced, (that poor, misguided, miserable person) there are hundreds who are grateful.
God bless you.
Bless your heart! Take your time healing, sweetie! My family thanks you for the sacrifices you have had to make. You and your love are our heros!
Hey Mel,
Two things...I have a similiar tribute on my car. I've heard similiar comments, although not quite to that extent. My initial thought is like yours--beat the crap out of them---but then, like you, I become calmer, cuz they're not worth the trouble! Besides, they'll be the next one with a flat tire, somehow! LOL....
Secondly, your blog is perfect. I just saw another fiancee that I know, is in a relationship, another wife is in one, etc, etc... and I was literally going "why am I stupid ? Why can't I accept it and 'move on' as it seems so many others have.
Like you, I know my love would want me to, but I can't do it. But I can tell you this...from the ones that I do know that are in relationships--many do have good relationships---but they never
"get over it" or "forget" the men they love and lost.
They have a new person, with which to make dreams---different dreams, and different men. No one ever expects you, or I, for that matter, to find a 'replacement'. When the time is right, the men we lost, and God, will bring the right men into our lives, when we are ready...and not until then...and trying to rush it, or feeling like the 'retarded griever' won't help. Because you're not....and even if I tell you not to feel that way, and it's ok to feel that way, you're still going to, take if from the 'old pro'.
Take your time, enjoy your friends and family, and know that if something new is supposed to come your way, it will come when you're ready---and no one ever expects you to forget Jim or the love you two shared.
Take Care.
~R
Some people don't know love. Selfless love is foreign to them as is the love of a committed couple. People like this are referred to as "shallow." Can you imagine what it is like to go through life and not know love? The only thing that makes life worth living is love. Love is what makes humans human.
Something else - one does not have the option to be empty. Every void will be filled. In the absense of love this man has been filled with darkness. If having to live in the fear, hatred and anger of darkness is "karma" that guy is the embodiment of karma. God is Love. Pray for this thing.
You lost the love of your life. But remember - you have not lost love. Sometimes love hurts but it is worth enduring the pain of love because of the beauty of love. You know the beauty of love with your soldier and now you are knowing the other side of the coin. I'm sorry for your pain but glad you have so much love in your heart.
((((hugs)))) I'm so, so sorry someone put you thru that...what a total JERK!!!!!!! (((((more hugs)))))
We all love you and are praying for you.
Melissa, there are millions of people that care. Dont let one jerk cloud your vision. People like that always get their due.
You seem like a lovely person, as was your partner, I am sure.
God bless you.
Wow, what an insensitive person. And I'm being as polite as I can be.
Hang in there Mel, it's a tough road you travel. Lots of prayers for your healing.
Cathy B
That guy will never need to worry about anyone loving or missing him like you love and miss Jim.
I'm glad the lady at the drive-thru was sent to end your day on a good note.
There are some very very sick people in the world. They get some very weird emotional release from abusing people.
Please do your best to forget this clown and take as much comfort as is possible from the fact that there are an enormous number of people that wish you well.
Mel, as a war opponent, I still wish you would have run into that guy. Your sacrifice was dear and, outside of that ass, the rest of us couldn't respect the folks that do this do this terrible for us any more.
My cousin returns in September. Every time he goes, I worry for him. I can't imagine what it be like to lose such an awesome person. I can't imagine your pain.
Take your time to grieve. We all do it at our pace. Someday you will remember the memories if the times you had and you will smile a smile that would dazzle the sun.
Gidspeed
Mel, ((((hug)))) I'm so glad God ended your day on a good note sending you a drive thru angel! Bet ya didn't even have to pay extra either! He's probably the one that kept you from running the guy off the road, although it DID sound like a good idea - kinda like the lady in Fried Green Tomatoes when she rams that girl's car! Better you kept your calm though!
You should put an away message up on your e-mail that says something like, "Glad you're having such a good life, but mine kinda sucks right now so can you please think about keeping your good news to yourself!"
Grieve in your own way and your own time, no one elses. You're doing ok!
M.H.
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